It is a great feeling to have found "your person". Can you keep that bliss and go on vacation or will your triggers keep you home?
"I really need a break. I'd like to go to Maui. We can't afford that! I'll never get there. We can use our credit card and I will work more to pay it off. I want what I want, and I will make it happen."
You can work this out differently. Learn to reframe, recap, be curious and stay in the conversation. Start by finding a quiet time when just the two of you can focus on each other promising to ignore incoming texts, etc.
Let's talk this through:
Where would you like to go on vacations?
I'd like to go to Maui.
What is it that you like about going there?
The sun and hot sand are so relaxing for my body and mind. I also like the ocean, being able to see forever is so calming. I read that walking near the ocean is naturally good for our mental health.
So, being warm is important to you. And not being crowded or too close to others would be helpful. Yea, I read being in nature is really good for our brains!
Do you like fancy places?
No, but I do prefer them to be clean and quiet. What do you like?
I can stay any place - a tent or a fancy resort.
Would you like to visit the tourist spots or just hang out?
I wouldn't mind doing some kind of exercise every day. We can stop at sights but I don't really care. What about you?
I really don't enjoy tourist spots but I wouldn't mind a concert or something.
When do you prefer to go on vacation?
My company is really busy January, February, March and April, so maybe in May. When can you get away?
Anytime, but I need to put in my request before the end of January.
Let's look up what flights and hotels cost for a trip to Maui in May.
I see it could cost $6000! Hmm, that's a lot for right now. (Discouraged)
What do you think about saving for a small vacation every year then maybe a big adventure in 5 years? So $6000 in 5 years is $1200 a year is $100 a month to save into the Adventure account. I know there is inflation and costs go up & down but it's a start!
That could work. Where could we go this year then?
There must be places in BC on the ocean that are quiet. We could ask to borrow my parent's RV or rent one or even take our tent and cook our own food.
That sounds good as long as we take our bikes, buy yummy, high quality food to cook, and go out for a nice lunch at least once. It might cost us $1200.
So it is November, if we put aside $150 in our Vacation Account we can save enough by June. It's okay to wait until June or July right?
Absolutely! I thought I would never get to Maui but we will!
I am making brunch do you want some?